December Sixth, 2014

I fell asleep with s last night, thanks to some chamomile tea, and the busy day I had with D. Today my mind has been dwelling upon what I learned during my last meeting with Steve, so I've been somewhat morose because of the pain caused by a wound I believed closed. My mistaken belief was revealed two weekends ago when I drove to S's house for the first time. turning around that corner was like being hit in the chest with a brick.

At the time I was plenty aware of the emotional sensation, yet I declined to name it and hold onto it, preferring rather to let it subside. It's probably good that happened, because S would not have been inclined to leave s with me were I a tear-streaked mess. Thank creation for Steve though, for he gave me a space in which to experience and find the source of untangle this emotional knot.

The lesson I came away with is deceptively simple when the pain it revealed was found out. When

December Fifth, 2014

It's hard to know where to begin. So much has happened since I last put pen to paper. I probably would've benefited from writing, but I've managed to survive. s is sitting on the couch watching Peppa Pig and drawing with some colored pencils. She is a wellspring of emotion in my life. She probably always will be. It's hard to parse out the feelings she evokes since they're intertwined with many other important aspects of my life. I imagine I will do so naturally. Currently I lack the desire and focus such depth requires. This is due in part to s's presence, but mostly due to the fact that my phone has sucked away any remaining powers of concentration I possessed. Hopefully journaling will help combat this. In fact, I know it will.

M is coming over tomorrow to hang out and meet s. It will be good to introduce her.

Now that I actually am writing, the most important part of the past seems to be the last two weeks. I met L about two weeks ago and we've been fucking like rabbits ever since. It's been fantastic. I'm going to wait to write more until s goes to sleep.